Professor Oak and the Prune Juice
by Axletia Rosonetis
Summary: It's a regular day at Target. Professor Oak wants prune juice. But other men do, too. As they fight over the juice, who will win ? Find out that and what makes Professor Oak crazy in this oneshot. Rated T for a bit of language, and violence.


Professor Oak and the Prune Juice

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_Okay, those who read one of my other fanfics expected for Chapter 11 to be posted. Well, I wanted to do this first. Suspense. I do have Chapter 11 written ; should be posted sometime this week. Anyway, enjoy the tale of the prune juice. XD

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_

Target.

Target is a wonderful store. It marks its business all across the world. One day started in a Target in Viridian City. A normal day. Kids snickered outside. Depressed emo - like people worked as the cashiers.

One person was shopping there. A man with a head filled with gray hair. Wearing a red collared shirt and a white lab coat, he examined a can of Spaghettios with curiosity. His name was Professor Samuel Oak, a man of fifty - four from Pallet Town and had a thing for Ash Ketchum's mom.

Anyway, he was examining the can when a booming voice called out from the speakers. " _ONE JUG OF PRUNE JUICE MARKED FOR A DOLLAR ! FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED ! "_

Professor Oak sweatdropped , then made an anime pose. " Finally ! My dreams have finally come true ! I'll be able to buy prune juice, and will finally be successful at crapping in the toilet ! " he squealed in delight.

The professor ran with his shopping cart to the juice aisle, where a jug of prune juice was perched on the front counter. Nobody was standing there except for Professor Oak.

The professor walked up to the aisle. Unfortunately, somebody else also walked up there. A clean cut man of forty - four, with brown hair, a three piece orange suit, and a bastardly personality. Most people in the real world call him Douchebag, but his name was actually Giovanni, leader of Team Rocket (and in most of my fanfics, Ash's father.)

Professor Oak glared at him. " We meet again. "

Giovanni glared back at him. " Oak. "

" Ketchum . "

" How is Ash ? "

" None of your business ! What do you want with the prune juice ?! " Professor Oak demanded.

" Uh, I now have problems with my bladder. It's called constipation, Samuel, which you've had for... about twenty years, now ? "

" Yeah. Well, you'll get that prune juice over my dead body ! "

Giovanni rolled his eyes. " Is that a threat, old man ? "

" Sure. "

_" NOT SO FAST ! "_

The two men turned around to see Koga , Blaine, and Pryce all standing there with clubs in their hands. Koga put his foot behind his head. " I want the prune juice ! " he said in a deadly tone.

" So do I ! " Blaine of Cinnabar Island declared.

" Ditto, " Pryce added.

More men came forward. Flint, Lt. Surge, James, and Butch all came forward. Professor Oak groaned. " Okay. I want the prune juice ! "

All the other men clamored about the precious laxative. Finally, Blaine took off his glasses. " All right. Let's have a contest. Whoever wrecks up Target without getting caught the most gets the prune juice ! " Blaine shouted.

Everyone grunted in agreement. They all went as a group and so the rampaging of Target began.

But instead of trashing Target, all the men started to trash each other. Blaine and Pryce were having a wimpy slapping fight. Lt. Surge threw Koga in the wall, and the leader of Fuchsia City immediately left Target and started to cry like a baby. Butch whacked James with a wooden chair, and James fell unconscious. Then Butch poked Flint's eyes out with a screwdriver, and Flint somehow got carried off by his dozen kids.

Meanwhile, Giovanni was looking at the ground. Professor Oak was confused. " Why aren't you kicking the crap out of everyone, Douchebag ? "

" Uh, cause everyone else are idiots. You're a professor and you can't even figure that out by yourself. ? Damn. "

Professor Oak turned red and started throwing cans of instant spaghetti and ravioli all over the place. Suddenly, Officer Jenny spotted the six men and...

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(Twenty minutes later...)

Blaine, Pryce, Butch, Lt. Surge, and Giovanni all glared at Professor Oak as the deranged professor sat on the bench in the jail cell. Giovanni flipped him off. " This is all your fault, Oak. "

" My fault ? " Professor Oak inquired. " Blaine was the one who started up the contest ! "

Blaine threw a can of pineapples at the professor. " Yeah, but you're the one who got us all caught with your hissy fit ! "

Pryce gave a senile laugh as he gave a banana to Butch. " There you are, Billy. Nice protein. "

Butch turned red. " My name is _BUTCH ! "_

_**PUMMEL !**_

_**" SHUT UP, BILLY ! "**_ Lt. Surge roared.

Butch quickly scrambled under the bench. " Fine. Does anyone have any pot ? "

Professor Oak grinned. " Nope. "

Everyone else groaned as Butch checked his pockets. "_ Here_ we go. "

Blaine scratched his head. " Whatever happened to the prune juice ? "

* * *

(Fuchsia City)

" (groan) Ahhh, that feels better ! " Koga called out. " I'm glad I stole the prune juice from Surge and distracted him by crying. "

The gym leader of Fuchsia City smiled as he put the prune juice in the fridge and walked outside, with toilet paper stuck to his pants. ( XD )

* * *

(Back in jail... )

" Whoa. I have not done this since high school ! " Professor Oak giggled , high.

Butch started to laugh loudly. Lt. Surge was looking at the ceiling. Blaine and Pryce were making out. (WTF ?!) And Professor Oak was acting really weird, eating his pillow. Only Giovanni had not smoked, but that was because Lt. Surge flushed the rest down the toilet.

An auburn haired woman suddenly came up to the jail cell and started to glare at all of them. " I had to see it to believe it. Was this due to plum pudding again ? "

Professor Oak nodded. " Yeah. I am so stoned, Kool - Aid Man. "

"_ PROFESSOR SAMUEL OAK, YOU ARE A RETARD ! "_ the woman screamed.

_" I AM NOT, LADY ! "_ Professor Oak shouted back.

The lady banged her head against the concrete. " Damn you ! I'm Delia, you dummy ! "

" No you're not. You're less hairy ! " Professor Oak said with a giggle.

Blaine , Pryce, and Lt. Surge started to laugh. Butch threw up on the floor. Giovanni grabbed Professor Oak and discovered a can of prune juice from the vending machine. And there was also pot on him. Giovanni started to strangle him._** " ARE YOU HIGH ON PRUNE JUICE , TOO ?! "**_

" YEAH ! " Professor Oak said, cracking up.

Delia glared at Professor Oak. " That's it. I've had it bailing you out every week over the damned prune juice, Professor. You can stay in jail ! "

Giovanni scratched his head. " Any ideas of helping me get out of this hellhole with this idiot, Delia ? "

" No. You're as close to me as the stalking mailman that I have for dinner on Wednesdays. "

" This is because of the Mew thing, isn't it ? "

" Yeah. Pretty much. "

" Uh, can you look at another point of view ? "

Delia shook her head. " Nope. Go to hell, Giovanni. F--- you. "

The proud woman left the jailhouse, and Professor Oak started to laugh again as he drank more prune juice. Giovanni cut himself.

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Epilogue :

(Two weeks later...)

" Hey Professor ! It's nice to see you again ! " Tracey called out, hugging Professor Oak.

The professor nodded. Tracey grabbed a cup of coffee. " So... where were you ? "

" Jail, " Professor Oak replied, sipping coffee.

O.o " _Please_ don't tell me it had to do with you getting high on prune juice, Professor ! " Tracey pleaded.

" Yeah. "

Suddenly Giovanni came bursting in the door and kicked Professor Oak in his happy place. " That's for framing me of burglary, Oak ! " the douchebag hissed, walking outside.

T.T " You know, Professor. I am slowly losing respect for you. "

" I know, Tracey. I know. Now, let's get high on prune juice ! "

Tracey slowly left the lab. " I'm going to Ash's house for dinner. Have fun acting like an idiot today , Professor "

Professor Oak shrugged. As he was about to drink the prune juice, Delia snatched it from him. " You're going to rehab, Professor ! " she cried.

_**" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! "**_

In the end, Professor Oak goes to rehab.

- Tracey gets shot by Brock and Ash and dies instantly. XD

- Blaine and Pryce marry in Las Vegas.

- Giovanni loses his job and starts working at Burger King as a janitor.

- Butch and Lt. Surge goto jail again for drug felonies following a big drug scam in Mexico.

- Koga goes to jail for stealing carrots.

- James cries for a few weeks and later does an unsuccessful suicide attempt. He now has one arm.

- Finally, Flint had eye surgery and immediately got his head cut off by a Jigglypuff.

_(And what have we learned ? That addiction is wrong ; so is pot smoking. Also to never give Professor Oak prune juice in his life. Blaine and Pryce love each other, and Butch & Lt. Surge are crazy potheads. )_

End

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_So, what do you think about my oneshot ? I think it's funny. For those of you who don't know..._

_ - Flint is the current gym leader of Pewter City._

_ - Lt. Surge is the gym leader of Vermilion City._

_ - Koga is the gym leader of Fuchsia City._

_ - Blaine is the leader of Cinnabar Gym._

_ - Pryce is the leader of Mahogany Gym in Johto._

_ - And James is this weirdo guy from Team Rocket. _

_There you go. Cast of characters. Hope you enjoyed - til next time , bye ! _


End file.
